Today is a Tough Day

When I can’t get out of bed in the morning, I know I’m in for an unpredictable day. Today is one of those days. I’m feeling very weak, my sciatic is acting up and my legs are not strong enough to walk without pain. Staying in bed is not my kind of way to feel better, however, my body is telling me it needs the rest. In my mind, I first play the victim role. Why me? Why is everyone healthy around me or look as though they are? I cry for awhile and then I say to myself, “this too shall pass.” And eventually it does. Strange illnesses. However, as I have said in previous blogs, I have no control and I have to accept that there will be good days and bad days. It’s like I’m feeling weak and in pain, but I’m not sick. It upsets me however as soon as I change my thoughts to it’s okay to be upset, I start to feel better. I get frustrated sometimes and I think most people would if they had two chronic progressive illnesses. I can only do the best that I can do. The problem with me is that I just can’t accept the new me. And that is the key to feeling better. I think too much about what’s going to happen in the near and far future. Also, how I could do so much more in the past. Like standing on my head! This is what I taught. I taught Yoga. Now I can only do basic poses. When I can’t, my thinking head takes over. And when that happens, all my symptoms appear! No balance, weak legs, stiffness, lots of anxiety, and basically think life is over!

It passes eventually, just is taking a little longer. Frustrated and upset, I start feeling worse! And the “feeling sorry for myself “ routine kicks in. I ask myself why??? I then try and meditate. It helps a little bit but not enough for me to get out of my current thoughts and feelings. So, I just wait for it to pass. And most of the time it does! I hate staying in bed; only sick people do and I am not sick!!!