Getting Past My Fear

Since I’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I’ve developed many new fears. Some are my own thoughts haunting me. Others are mostly about the future. Let me explain further. I’ve always been a pretty confident person in my social arena. I love to be with my friends and have a “good time”. I’m pretty gregarious and you usually see me with a smile on my face! I love to dance and listen to live music! I’m not the shy type and will get up and dance by myself or with anyone that asks me. I’m pretty confident with my looks and I’ve always had confidence in the way I dressed. You could say I had my own style…

That was me before PD. I lost a lot of my confidence that the old Barbie had. I think people don’t look at me the same. It’s almost that they are afraid to talk to me or they treat me with kid gloves. It brings on a lot of anxiety and fear. I don’t go out dancing a lot now for fear I won’t be able to dance the way I use to. I don’t feel pretty and I carry myself differently. I almost become what I read people with PD become. Whatever symptoms I read about, I seem to take on. It’s scary……..

I still am ME!! But I don’t act like ME! My son even said to me, “Mom, be the cool mom you have always been”! But I say to myself……”I can’t be who I use to be. I want to but I’m afraid”. It sounds crazy, but these crazy thoughts in my head prevent me from being that cool mom or that cool friend, or that crazy Barbie who loved to be the party girl dancing away the night.