Having Invisible Illnesses

Having MS and Parkinson’s is very hard to explain to healthy people when you “look good”. Most people think that either you really don’t have these illnesses that you say you do, or you have it very mild, whatever the invisible illness is. When and if I go out, I rarely leave my apartment without makeup, my hair looking good and dressed neatly with nice clothes. Even when I just go over to see my grandson. It makes me feel better to look at myself in the mirror before I leave my apartment with a stamp of my own approval. I think that I’m like that for two reasons. I feel better when I’m put together and it makes me feel stronger than the illnesses that are ravaging my body. I watched my Dad put himself in a wheelchair not long after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s .He gave into his illness and became a sick person. It wasn’t fun watching him wither away from my tall handsome strong dad to an old man who never tried to fight this horrific dis-ease. That was my dad in his 20’s. Love this picture! ❤️❤️❤️❤️. I made a promise to my three beautiful children that I will do anyway not to give in to these illnesses. I work on being a healthy person that has two chronic illnesses rather than a sick person with them!

Here I am on the left with my two good friends that I met to have lunch with this past Monday. If you were walking down the street and saw us, you probably wouldn’t think that all three of us have a chronic illness. That’s why invisible chronic diseases are hard to explain to healthy people. Our outside body looks well, but inside we are ill. All three of us have Parkinson’s and each of us have totally different symptoms. PD is a movement disorder that affects each person differently. We each take our own prescribed medications for the symptoms that we are trying to manage.

Remember, chronic means there is no cure. So, depending on your symptoms, you manage the illness with drugs, supplements, exercise, and any other alternative therapies that will comfort and ease your suffering. I’ll talk about those in another blog.

Lately, my symptoms seem to get worse later in the day, so when my friends see me, they are seeing the stronger Barbie. When my meds wear off sometimes too soon, they see some suffering. I am much slower walking and very stiff. Some friends want to help me which is very kind, but when I get into the car or in my apartment, I sob. I cry because I’m not the old Barbie that was athletic and strong and fun! I get frustrated, embarrassed, anxious, and ashamed. I become isolated sometimes because I feel like a burden to my friends and family. I’ve lost a lot of friends and it hurts. I’m not as social as I use to be because I can’t do the things I use to to: dance, play tennis, golf, balance poses in yoga, and walk as far as I use to. It’s very hard to go to parties because I get so rigid to the point where I have to leave early. I use to be the last one to leave a dance club. It makes me so sad.

Then, there are other times when I feel great and I can do or attempt to do those activities. It’s crazy not to be in control of your body’s movements. When I’m feeling good, nothing stops me! I even danced at my niece’s wedding for four straight hours with 3 inch heels! Yay! The old Barbie comes out once in a while. Parkinson’s is a very unpredictable illness. This is my niece Jessica. She was the beautiful bride. I rise to the occasion when I can connect my mind to my body in a positive way. Nobody could believe that I had any dis-eases! And when I babysit or just see my grandson, Shay, I seem to forget about them too!When I see him, his smile just brightens up my entire being. No MS or PD then! I can’t get enough of him. Sometimes I tell my daughter, Marni that I need a dose of Shay. He is my medicine!

So now I’ll finish my blog on Having Invisible Illnesses. It’s made me more aware that we don’t know who is suffering on the inside when people “look good” on the outside. You never know what’s going on inside. I’ve learned to be less judgmental of myself and others. I’ve also have learned that when you have no control of what you get in life, fear can take a hold of you in a way that changes your life. I have to learn to accept these illnesses, love myself and not to be so hard on myself. After all, when I leave my apartment, I look in the mirror and see what everyone else sees that day! I “look good”! I may not feel great, but I have the Invisible Illnesses! Only I know!

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