Living with MS and especially Parkinson’s, made me aware that you lose a lot of good friends. I don’t understand why this happens but in some ways I do. Some of my “former good friends” are afraid of saying the wrong things to me so avoiding me is easier. I also think that fear is a big factor. Fear of getting a chronic disease themselves or looking at what happens when you age. When I see these “friends”, they look at me like I am “sick”, instead of the healthy Barbie they use to know. I’m talking about the “fun” Barbie, the “cool” Barbie, the “athletic” Barbie, the Barbie that would be the last one off the dance floor.
Hey guys!! I’m still her! I just have a couple of dopamine cells missing and a couple of lesions on my spine. I get tired more easily some days, but if you tell me you want to have plans with me, I’ll make it happen. Sometimes I look like I’m drunk but that’s my movement disorder kicking in. I might have to hold on to you sometimes but that’s just my balance. I might be too tired to stay out late with you, like I use to, but I still love you. I might not be as fast to get dressed and put on my make up, but when you see me, I will be dressed nicely and always have my make up on! I may forget words or someone’s name, but I’ll come up with the word eventually and I’ll still know who you are! You may see me bob my head or move my body in weird ways, but that’s my movement these days (too many drugs)! It’s probably hard for you to see me this way, but it’s harder for me to have you see me this way! I still am me; some days are good and some days are not so good.
I still love to have fun! I still love to dance, workout, do yoga, go out to dinner. I still love to laugh my ass off and talk about old times. I still like to “play” tennis and golf and shop til I drop! But most important, I still want to hang out with my friends!
I have two chronic illnesses. It’s not fun sometimes and it’s very scary for me. I need my friends. It’s very hard for me to reach out to you for fear of rejection. It’s not easy facing these challenges alone. I’m fighting them as hard as I can! I know it’s very hard to understand what I’m going through. It’s hard for me to!And, even worse, I’m doing it alone. Not to take away from my friends and family that totally support me and have that “unconditional love” for me. I thank god that they are in my life! And I do have a good life besides my challenges. You know that from my previous blogs. I just need you out there to know that “love cures”. And a person, whether or not they are well or sick, wants, needs, and loves unconditionally.
I’m still Barbie! I just have a few chronic illnesses. (more…)